Best Function Ever

A few weeks ago I was offered the chance to work at a function. Shortly after agreeing to take the shift I learned that it was to be some kind of Ukrainian dinner, though details were on the sparse side. The up side was that not only was it a dinner, but there was also to be live entertainment in the form of a band.

As the date drew nearer I became more and more excited about the prospect of the band being a Ukrainian band of some sort, and the possibility of the guests engaging in some form of traditional dancing.

Upon mentioning this hope to my co-workers I sensed a degree of skepticism about the likelihood of such events transpiring. The general belief seemed to be that it would just be a normal, run of the mill North American rock band to which the patrons may or may not dance.

My hopes were somewhat dashed when upon showing up for work I learned that during the band’s sound check they had played nothing but standard issue rock stuff, and that they were particularly loud.

Nevertheless, I managed to hold out some hope that the evening would be other what all the signs were suggesting it would be.

As the organizers began to arrive and discuss various logistical issues, which were many, I began to worry even more. Not only were things behind schedule, more dinner tickets were sold than seats were available. Fallback plans were constantly being made and then changed. The general level of stress among the organizers was quite high. The staff seemed to be an outlet for some of the tension.

Eventually, after much debate, and about an hour behind schedule, dinner was served. Upon finishing the salad course there was a round of speeches, the presence of which was unexpected by us, the individuals responsible for clearing the salad plates. Eventually, things progressed and we started to serve the main course.

Though I had been dreading it, I finally got my first serving experience at the function. All things considered, it was pretty easy as there was only one meal option, meaning that everyone just got a plate as we worked methodically through the room.

Soon enough everyone had been served and we were sent to go and eat ourselves. After our short break I returned to the door, where I then stayed for some period of time. Though unintentional, this move meant that I was not involved in either the clearing of the dinner plates, or the serving of desert.

Eventually, just before the band started, I returned to the ballroom to help clear away some of the remaining dishes. For the most part this meant picking up coffee cups, water glasses, and milk pitchers. This tends to be my favourite type of busing, maybe just because it the most familiar to me. Soon enough things were looking pretty neat and tidy and everyone was ready to party.

Almost as soon as the band took the stage it was clear that they were not just a run of the mill North American rock band, they were in fact a Ukrainian rock band (though I still have no idea whether they were playing original music or covers). As soon as they started playing patron’s started dancing, and were they ever dancing. Many females took their shoes off, though a surprising number left their shoes one, and soon found men to dance with. These people were really spinning and jumping at quite incredible speeds. That no one was injured was incredible. Also, that they were able to maintain the same level of energy throughout the night was also shocking.

This turn of events quite pleased me, as it was exactly what I had been hoping for from the time I learned what the event was to be.

As the night progressed and the band played on things kept this frantic pace. Eventually, when 2:30 rolled around, last call was announced and the staff was informed by the organizer that to cap off the night the revelers would be dancing in a circle. As obscure as this may sound, the meaning was immediately obvious to those of us present.

As soon as they formed the circle and the band started to play people would jump into the middle and perform some kind of solo Ukrainian dance for some number of measure before passing the spotlight off to another person or group of individuals. Basically all of the male participants demonstrated both that they were quite strong and flexible, and had maintained an ability to jump to much higher than most members of society.

For the most part the styles of these solos were quite like what most people would imagine, only performed at a much greater pace and with more energy. As the dance went one several solos involving both males and females took place, the most impressive of which involved two males locking arms to form a nucleus of a line, each also locking arms with a female to form the extremity of the line. This foursome then started to spin. As they picked up speed the females on the ends picked up their feet and the males in the center continued to spin, holding the girls above the ground as they went round and round. Myself and the other members of the staff were pretty blown away, and continued to be surprised with almost every solo.

One of the more impressive parts of the affair was that it was possible to see some of the females figuring our their choreography on the side, only moments before they took stage. In almost all instances, this recently improvised routine gave the impressions of both practice and spontaneity.

At one point, one of the guys, while jumping in a rather incredible fashion, managed to split his jeans. The tear was pretty impressive and soon over a foot long. After leaving the spotlight, he came to near where the staff was standing to examine the damage. It seems that not only did he really mangle his pants, but also managed to ‘sprain’ his ‘balls.’

After what must have been at least a half-hour, the circle came to an end, and the band played a final piece before unplugging and starting to pack up.

Instead of this causing people to leave, they instead, in unison, began to sing Ukrainian songs. Most impressive about this was not the somewhat intoxicated singing but that it was both good and involved several parts, somewhat more reminiscent of a choir rather than a mass of revelers.

Eventually people did make their way out and we were able to get on with the post-party clean up. Amazingly, thing went surprisingly quickly and we were able to make good progress. Though I don’t remember the time, we were finished at a much earlier hour than I would have expected (though it was still pretty late).

While tips weren’t amazing, and the night started off on the wrong foot, I will definitely go as far as to state that it was the most enjoyable function I have ever worked. As far as I know, none of my co-workers thought that this claim should be disputed, as they too were pretty impressed by the circle, if not by the Ukrainian rock band.